Rough Night

such a rough night last night

Last night before sleep I briefly recounted to my Mate an experience I had as a young teenager, between my father and my “best friend”. Just after he fell asleep, I entered into a full-fledged flashback of the event and … Continue reading

Hot & Sad (but hopeful)

1660 Jan Steen sad woman

Several days over 100 degrees, most days in the 90′s. Cannot afford A/C — can’t even pay the electric bill without the extra cost of cooling the place. Packed in a tiny trailer that is falling apart, 6 full grown … Continue reading

Triggering & Gross

i m buried under the bridge

  I’ve been dealing with a couple things this past week or two, that seem to still be lingering, hanging around, haunting me.   First, I remembered exactly what it was like to be buried alive (the first & longest … Continue reading

Just Five

woods

  Yeah, that’s her NAME — or, at least, what she prefers to be called right now.  She’s “just five” (years old). She came out the other night, let us all know about some things, and helped me to understand … Continue reading

Hiding, Resting

just need to hide myself away for a little bit while I work

I have started feeling bad for increasingly neglecting this blog and my DID blogger friends, whom I sincerely admire and appreciate.  I apologize, dear friends. For the time being, I am withdrawn a bit into myself, mostly working.  This involves a lot of … Continue reading

respectquote

Drop this, Drop that

tangled multiple personalities and responsibilities

  I have just seen the pattern I have been living: In order to maintain any semblance of stability or functionality, I tend to drop whatever I can, as soon as something new is piled on my plate — be it … Continue reading

My Weakness

my heart hurts so bad I am so sick of multiple personalities and triggers

My Weakness Caused You Pain (Britney Spears – Everytime)  I don’t much like Ms. Spears, but lately this song has been in my head.  Today, after a big fight where my Mate and I triggered the crap out of each … Continue reading

Stabilizing

feeling better stabilizing hope beauty nature plumes

  I am actually feeling pretty stable this past week.  I was trying to figure out WHY, just this morning… so I can help it STAY this way!  Here are some contributing factors:   I have been “Righting” first thing every … Continue reading

Who’s the Boss?

caught reading when supposed to be working

  I have been very frustrated lately, quite at odds with myself — and I just figured out why.   First of all, almost every little part of me has a very strong desire to be “good”. There is also … Continue reading

April’s Fool

GypsysBookUpClose

  Feel funny this morning.  Like April’s fool.  It’s been a pretty roller-coaster up-and-down week.  I think it started with the 1981 movie, “Cannonball Run”  I had ordered from Netflix.  It triggered Gypsy (“Twitchy’s Twin”) to come out — and … Continue reading

Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.
 
–Golda Meir

“Abby”

abby is becoming a single mom

  “Voices” are NOT my personalities, and they are not things I have heard with my ears (as in auditory hallucinations). My Voices are the self-talk of individual hearts that I have empathized with. Do any of my Voices sound … Continue reading

“Terry”

Terry is a business man stuck in an office and wondering what makes a good break

  “Voices” are NOT my personalities, and they are not things I have heard with my ears (as in auditory hallucinations). My Voices are the self-talk of individual hearts that I have empathized with. Do any of my Voices sound … Continue reading

Not So Great

i wish the world knew how much i feel like just a lost little girl who needs god and fears people

Still haven’t felt much like writing lately. Partly it’s because I’ve been down, discouraged, and overwhelmed with time & money pressures. But it is also simply because I’ve been burning myself out on writing in order to make some (future) … Continue reading

Art for Therapy Bridges Collage

art for therapy collage - stage 7 - found objects added for more 3D effect - simple dry objects collected from nature - egg shell, leaves, dry berries and grasses, even a small piece of bark with an "eye"

[Haven't wanted to write lately - lots of pain - almost got divorced even - just wanna share myself through art right now, and otherwise hide myself away and lick my wounds.  -- SynthGirl  :cry:  ]   I haven’t had … Continue reading

Jo Jo’s Eyes

hope in hand liverwort fiddlenecks wetland plants

So many real places Converted to dreams At last understanding It’s just how she sees There always is darkness And yet she still sees No limits in danger And no pressing needs Fear’s her companion Survival her plan She wipes … Continue reading

Standing On Knees

blue picture abraham and visitors waling on knees despair weariness

    whispers of failure shout in my ear empty with longing filled up with fear when will I climb high sit in His lap look in the mirror see somethin’ but crap when my heart shudders breathe my last … Continue reading

 
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.
 
– Edgar Allan Poe

Little Kid Dreams

Horrified by Will Works on DeviantArt

  I had a good talk with my youngest son last night, and we ended up talking a little bit about dreams.  Since he is taking Psychology in high school (he says it’s the most interesting content for a class … Continue reading

Hanging In There

i feel like a little plant in a desert, a little ways off from moist green land

  [pic = I feel like this little green plant, surrounded by desert but not tooooooo far away from the greener pastures]   Well, there is more hope now.  I think all those prayers really helped — thanks, everyone!! Let’s … Continue reading

Just Don’t Know

can i trust god even now?

  I have wanted to keep up with people on their blogs, but haven’t been able to.  I apologize for not reading, not leaving comments lately. I have wanted to keep them up with me by adding a post to say how … Continue reading

Watch Me Grow

watch me grow multiple personalities childhood abuse to healing and independence

  I always get these “great ideas” — whether they be clothes designs, book ideas, lines of poems, or whatever.  And I almost always either write them down in my little leather “idea book” or else I chuck them off … Continue reading

 
My awesome oldest son — who knows me soooo well — gave me two necklaces for my birthday last year. Each has a little quote on the front, both of which I am really feeling today.
 
The first is like a little clock and says, “So many Books, so little Time”… I think that is the motto of my life, heehee!
 
The second says, “If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need. — Cicero”… Well, I don’t have a garden because I moved to a state that is too dry for me to understand as yet… And I don’t really have a library, but I went to one yesterday, and it was all I needed to cheer up and find some strength and determination inside me, to fight my way forward.
 
I also found a good book that breathes straight into my spirit… “How People Grow — What the Bible Reveals about Personal Growth” by Dr’s Cloud and Townsend… Highly Recommended!