I have been very frustrated lately, quite at odds with myself — and I just figured out why.
First of all, almost every little part of me has a very strong desire to be “good”. There is also a general consensus that “good” has more to do with pleasing God than pleasing men (people). However, we all seem to have a slightly different opinion of the details of what “good” consists of — and what we need to do when we fall short.
When money pressures abound — as they have now for many months — the adult part of me gets “dibbs” on time and how to spend it — or at least that’s how I DEMAND it to be. Trouble is, you just cannot get your way with little children by issuing demands. So when I spend more time than is typical, making more progress than was expected… Well, then the Little Ones determine it to be a Holiday — and we should relax, and celebrate, and do something FUN because we got so much WORK done.
My mistake is (or is it?) that I fight them. Oh, I do not expect to continue in the same pace of rapid progress. I don’t even expect to be able to work on the things I had planned (yes, you sense resentment here). But I at LEAST expect to make some form of PROGRESS…!!! After all, we were going along so smoothly, making such good time… WHY SPOIL IT???
Lesson: To an eight-year-old child, FUN is PROGRESS! Play is important. Necessary. Required. So is daydreaming, and even “wasting” time just staring off into space and fantasizing or pondering the vastness of the universe (or whatever). I must learn that I can sit, play, do things that have no possible chance of making money to support my family. Ouch. That hurts! Stop poking me with those insistent little-girl fingers!!! I KNOW you “told me so”…! But, at the same time, please also realize that money makes ME scared, just like bathrooms and being touched and crowds of people make YOU scared. Okay? Thanks, now teach me how to PLAY…